Ending the Cycle
by Broken Mushroom
Summary: The feel of the blade to his skin felt awful, but at the same time he needed it, craved it. Hayner knew something was wrong with him. Seifer can't stand to see this happening again. Seiner WARNING: Graphic cutting and mentions of suicide.
1. Chapter 1

Warnings: Contains self mutilation/cutting, attempted suicide, lots of cussing and slash.  
Rating: R  
Pairing: Seiner

Drip. Drip.

Hazel eyes watched with fascinated disgust as the beautiful liquid fell from his arm one after the other. No other thoughts were on his mind. That was sort of the point. When he did this, there was nothing to care about, only the sting of the knife, the smell of the blood, and the sound of the droplets thudding against the ground. He didn't notice the stream of tears slowly ebbing away. He only registered when the blood stopped flowing and it was time to make another mark.

The knife was cold, it felt terrible, but Hayner couldn't make himself stop, no matter how much he hated himself afterwards every single time. He was caught in the cycle that would never end. He would feel terrible, then run to find an escape, this made him feel worse and he just kept coming back for more. He swore every time he would stop, but every single fucking time he would break it.

New tears sprung to life in his eyes and he forced them away with another jab from the cold steel. No one could ever know about this. His family would think he was insane. His friends would pity him and try to stop it. He would be labeled as another emo pansy. The worst part was he didn't even know why he felt this bad. No fucking clue. There was absolutely nothing wrong with his life, great family, perfect friends. He didn't even have an unrequited love. There was just… something that felt wrong, something was missing, and he had no fucking clue what it was.

He looked down, brought a finger to smear the blood further down his arm. A smile played at his lips, he wondered if it was just worth it to end the cycle once and for all. Yeah, he would be missed, but they could deal with it. He was just tired of trying to find whatever was alluding him.

He lifted the knife to his face and stared at it, as if it would give him all the answers. Then slowly, he brought it down to his wrist and held it there, eyes squeezed shut, searching for the courage to finally stop his searching.

"What the fuck? Lamer, put that knife down right fucking now!"

Shit! Hayner blinked and focused on the knife poised to make the final slice and turned his tear blurred eyes to the blonde who had just walked into the usual spot.

"Wha…" he started but was interrupted as a hand grasped his wrist, throwing his addiction to the floor. And then Seifer was kneeling before him, raking his fingers over every inch of Hayner's arms, trying to find all the cuts, all the little blemishes that Hayner was so ashamed of. He couldn't speak. Why was his nemesis doing this?

"What the hell were you thinking? Your life is full of fucking rainbows and butterflies." Seifer mumbled as his dug in his pocket, finally producing a potion.

Hayner shook his head as it was offered to him. He didn't want to pain to go away just yet. Seifer growled, yes actually growled, and practically shoved the liquid down the younger's throat.

Hayner shook his head over and over, not believing that his secret was out. Not wanting to have to face this. He stood up, shaking slightly, ignoring Seifer completely and bent to get the knife back. With another growl, Seifer pushed him aside and took the offending piece of steel himself. The two stared at each other for a while, Hayner with guilt and Seifer with accusation.

"Now," the older teen began as he crossed his arms, "Mind telling me what the hell you're thinking?"

Hayner looked down at the ground, feeling everything crash in around him. The tears in his eyes were threatening to fall, he hated to be seen as weak. He tightened his fists, how dare Seifer waltz in and act like he gave a damn? Why couldn't he just leave him alone?

He looked up with anger and gritted out, "Just leave me the hell alone, alright?"

"I can't do that, lamer." Seifer stated, and suddenly Hayner thought he could see tears forming in his eyes as well. Somehow this pissed him off even more.

"Why the fuck do you even give a shit?" he yelled, fists clenched even tighter.

The silence that followed was deafening, Hayner's annoyance was doubling by the second, Seifer just stood still for a long moment staring intently at those huge hazel eyes until, very slowly, a single drop ran down his right cheek.

Hayner blinked. Then he started shaking as his own suppressed sobs wracked his body. He dropped to his knees, clawing at his own arms, tears making small puddles on the floor.

"I think there's something wrong with me." He whispered through his sobs. He was shocked when a pair of strong arms wrapped around him and another shaking body joined his own as their cries meshed together to make a song of sorrow.

Hayner didn't know why the other was crying, but he just didn't care. He fisted his hands in Seifer's shirt and buried his face in the taller blonde's neck.

"Why?" he whimpered as the strangely comforting arms tightened around him.

"Because." Came the strained whimper. "I'm not about to lose someone else I love to suicide."

Hayner barely registered the statement as a pair of lips gently kissed the side of his head. He didn't really care about anything right then. For the first time he actually felt safe. The two stayed wrapped up together long after their tears had dried, neither wanting to leave the safety of the other's arms.

--

AN: Possibly the darkest thing I've ever written. This will probably be short, maybe about four chapters, maybe less. Depends on how much I wanna write. I guess I'm in an emo mood or something. I just really wanted to see Hayner and Seifer curled up on the floor of the usual spot crying their eyes out.

And now for a mini-rant(warning for those who are offended easily): I once had someone tell me that they thought cutting was hott. This upset me greatly. There are so many people out there who honestly feel like it is there only escape. To them, it's not for attention, they are actually ashamed of it. I know some of these people. They are some of the awesomest people I've ever met, and struggle with this everyday. To sully their struggles by saying that it's hott when they do that really pisses me off. Sorry if I offended anyone with this rant, I'm not meaning to. In this story I really tried to capture the desperation I and some people I've known have felt (and no, I've never struggled with suicide myself before just to clarify) I'm not pretending to be a know it all when it comes to this. But if I get a review telling me that this is hott or some other such nonsense I'll delete it or something.

Mini rant is now over. Please tell me what you think of this!


	2. Chapter 2

It had been six years. It seemed like so much shorter than that. Seifer stared blankly ahead at the barren train tracks, almost praying for the ghost train to appear, just to take his mind off things. Not many people knew that he had once had an older sister, he didn't want them to. It was to painful to explain why she wasn't with them anymore.

He clenched his eyes shut as the scene from the day before entered his mind yet again. It was almost the exact same as before, only now he had gotten there before the deed had been done.

He could still remember clearly, even after six years, every detail of the scene. The water dripping to the floor that was the _wrong color_, the lifeless eyes staring straight upwards, the knife dropped carelessly on the floor, but the worst thing was the blood. It was everywhere. No matter how much he cleaned it up it disappeared.

The worst part was that she had apparently completely forgotten about him. He was supposed to visit her that weekend and it must have slipped her mind because she obviously didn't want him to know about it. Her letter had been addressed to her roommate and she had asked that he not be told how she had died. It was a stroke of bad luck that he was the one to find her first.

That was when he had changed, when his rivalry with Hayner had really begun. It had always given him a distraction from his hurting heart. Then one day he realized he was in love with the other boy. Not just some stupid crush either, even though that's how it started. He truly loved Hayner, as weird as that sounds.

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. This was just to damn hard. He didn't know how to help the boy. He didn't know what to do. He needed advice, and fast.

There was only one person he knew who had experience with this, Hayner was open to the idea of a Counselor. It was up to Seifer to make the call though, and everything had to be confidential.

The blonde sighed, took out his phone and dialed a number he hadn't needed for three years. The voice on the other end answered and he took a deep breath.

"Hey Zexion. It's me Seifer. .. no I'm fine. Everything's great with me actually… I know it's been awhile. Actually there's a friend of mine I wanted to talk to you about…"

--

Hey guys! Sorry it took so long. I am seriously having Seiner withdrawals though so I needed to write more to this. There might be one or two more chaps to this, I don't know for sure. Let me know what you think.


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